A Great Surprise

When I heard I was going to Namibia, I was actually substituting as a Special Education Para-Professional. I initially took on the five day assignment in hopes of experiencing the new “flavor” that special education had to offer. I had already had the joy and experience of teaching many classes through my job as a substitute teacher, and I wanted to see what it was like working with children with special needs. Let me tell you it was very TOUGH jumping in there without any Special Ed background, and on day one I felt like I was biting off more than I could chew. And while it was definitely a challenge, it was an AMAZING experience and I am so thankful for it. For it was through this “coincidental” experience and a little girl named Becky that I came to a magnificently beautiful realization.

My first encounter with Becky was harsh and cruel. I came into her classroom to help her with her schoolwork and to basically tame and keep the wild creature that is Becky under control. That first day was a complete mess. I have never in my life been so close to the thought “I can’t do this”, and I definitely entertained the idea of quitting. She would not talk to me or look at me at all, would not even acknowledge that I was standing there, that I was talking, or that I even existed for that matter. Except towards the end, she did feel the need to turn to me and make it clear that she “hated me”.

I was clueless as to what to do. “How can you reach someone like that?” I thought to myself. I questioned if it might be best to just quit and stop wasting my time since I obviously wasn’t getting through. The best I could come up with was that if I just gave up, then there was absolutely no hope in reaching through to her, and I would probably be doing the exact same thing that a lot of other people have done to her throughout her life… just writing her off. I would become one more person that didn’t believe in her, one more in the long list that told her through their actions, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’re not worth it.” If I just gave up, I would fail, but as long as I was trying, as long as I was persevering, I could never truly fail her, nor myself.

In the short period that I worked with this very special girl, our dynamic changed drastically. She eventually opened up herself and her heart to me, and we became friends. She would actually listen to me, or rather, listen as much as she would anyone else, she would get excited to see me, and she would share stories, pieces of her guarded life, with me. One day even, while I was in the cafeteria, she came up to me and whispered quietly to me, “I have a GREAT surprise for you...” I paused for a moment trying to understand what she had said, when out of nowhere she yelled “ME!!!” and jumped around my legs to hug me tightly. I smiled, and as I fought back tears I thought, “Yes… you truly are a great surprise indeed.”

It was through this experience that I came to realize that we all have preconceived ideas of what is “perfect.” We all want children that are intelligent, athletic, social, well-behaved, and are EASY to love. These children are like the tropical paradises of the world, they are rich and plentiful, stable and supportive, warm and inviting, and full of potential for life and its possibilities. Becky on the other hand is like the desert; she can be harsh and cruel, just like the brutal desert sun, she can appear void and destitute of the potential for growth, like the empty rolling sand dunes, she can tell you she hates you, just like the desert with its relentless conditions…BUT at the same time the desert is a place of awe-inspiring beauty… and that is exactly what Becky is. She is a unique and special child with a beauty all her own. She is perfect, she is precious, she is loving, and she is magnificent…like ALL of the children of the world.

It was through seeing the beauty in the desert that is Becky that I was able to drop my judgments and expectations for Namibia. I am so excited for this unique and wonderful experience in one of the many, many different, yet equally beautiful places in our wonderful world. And when I think about what’s to come…I close my eyes and my mind travels back to that day in the cafeteria…and if I listen closely enough, I can almost hear Namibia quietly calling…whispering secretly to me, “I have a GREAT surprise for you”…

Not Exactly What I Had in Mind...

The nomination to a program is really just the beginning of the whole entire, LONG, drawn-out process that is part of Peace Corps. There is a small amount of paperwork, some things that need to be examined or improved upon, but mostly there is a ton of waiting, and an equal amount of patience to match. After seven LONG months of waiting to find out my official Peace Corps placement, I was finally confirmed and invited to go to Namibia on January 7, 2009.

I must admit that the news was far less exciting than I expected. During the months and months that I had been waiting, my mind got rather carried away with regard to imagination. I had envisioned myself in the war-torn country of Uganda where rebels still, to this day, capture children to join the ranks of their ruthless, murdering army and lay waste to homes, schools, and countless lives. I could see myself in Rwanda, a country trying to pick up the pieces after a horrific genocide occurred not too long ago in which neighbor killed neighbor, friend killed friend, and humans, in their ignorance and hatred over mere minor “differences”, maliciously tore away about a million precious lives from OUR world in three months time, while the whole world stood by and watched. I always thought how incredible it would be to help rebuild schools, homes, and most importantly the lives that were devastated after such terrible tragedies. How rewarding it would be to help promote love and peace and empower these people to prevent a similar expression of hate from ever manifesting in this world again.

Aside from the more widely known problems, I also imagined that all throughout Africa there would be everyday suffering, such as people dying from lack of their basic needs, children abandoned and orphaned by parents lost to AIDS, and human beings starving for intangible needs such as knowledge, self-worth, friendship, hope, love, and a way to heal a spirit that has been broken down and eroded by an apathetic and indifferent world.

These are just some of the MANY various scenarios that my brain tried to create to fill the void of uncertainty of not knowing the specific country I would be going to. And in every one of these scenarios I always pictured a gorgeous tropical landscape as the backdrop for my “perfect” mental drama. I saw lush vegetation, tons of shade and cool moist breezes, and numerous waterfalls and rivers just waiting for me to swim in… possibly even somewhere in the hidden depths of the rainforest. I had a perfect paradise all laid out in my head, and not once did it ever occur to me that I would be going to the DESERT country of Namibia. The country is more developed, which means their needs could be less, and besides, I had never in my life heard anything interesting about Namibia. I thought, “What could that horrible county possibly have to offer me?” I did NOT want to go to the desert and I DID NOT want to go to Namibia!

The Flavors of Life

I applied online to Peace Corps towards the end of May 2008. About a week or two after I submitted my application I was called in for an interview. And on June 5th 2008, right after interviewing with a Peace Corps recruitment officer, I was nominated for a Health Extension position in the Sub-Saharan African region. We actually set down at a table and the recruiter let me pick exactly what I wanted. I knew I wanted to avoid business related things altogether, so the Health Extension program was an easy choice. I was just amazed that I qualified for it, especially since I had no real health credentials. Selecting the region of service on the other hand proved far more difficult.

We talked about Eastern Europe, the Islands in the Caribbean, the Central and South America regions with beautiful countries such as Costa Rica, Peru, Panama, etc (although all of Latin America holds such a special place in my heart), we also talked about Southeast Asia which included Thailand as a prospect, and the Pacific Islands, one of which is Fiji… and of course there was Africa.

It was like I literally had the whole world set out before me, and I had to pick between such different, yet equally beautiful areas that our marvelous planet Earth has to offer. It was like I was a little kid at an ice cream parlor. So many delicious flavors spread out in the display case before me, with my eyes wide in amazement at all of the possibilities. And I can ONLY choose ONE. With so many delicious choices, what it comes down to at that moment is really what flavor you’re in the mood for…and I was in the mood for Africa (a somewhat overlooked and neglected “flavor”). But part of the beauty in living is that you can always come back another day to try another flavor… other countries, other experiences, whole new ranges in the variety of life remain untouched and untried, waiting for the right time for the right mood strike...

In the Beginning...

My journey to Namibia started about a year ago. I had woken up one morning to get ready for work, but for some strange reason I just could not get out of bed. It was as if I had absolutely no energy or will to move my body. I figured I’d just call in sick to work and take the day off to relax and rest in my bed, which I could not for the life of me get out of. After about 30 minutes of immobility, suddenly I had a burst of energy and rushed to get ready for work.

As I was walking three blocks from the bus stop to work, at the first intersection I ran into an old college friend who had recently returned from serving with the Peace Corps in Ukraine. I knew she was back, and we kept in touch some while she was gone, but we really didn’t talk that much. For example, I had absolutely no idea she had been working three buildings down from me, and if not for that “too perfect to be a coincidence” encounter, I might never have found out.

After greeting each other and talking for a few minutes, we both headed off to work, and as I walked I carried a huge smile on my face. I was smiling partly because I was so glad to have run into such an amazing woman and friend, but mostly because of the miraculous beauty of the universe and its “coincidences”. I know everything has a reason, and right then and there, I knew the reason for what I had experienced earlier that morning.

That incident reconnected us, and from there we started meeting on random mornings before work to grab coffee and talk. Now you may be wondering what any of this has to do with the Peace Corps… Well, it has EVERYTHING to do with it, because it was from these conversations and the conviction in which my friend spoke about Peace Corps that ignited something within me. It started off very small, so subtle that I really didn’t notice it at first, but it sparked a desire to make a change in my life, to make a change in the world, to do something meaningful and with real purpose, apart from working solely for monetary security and material gain.

At that period in my life, I was unsatisfied with working in the business world, I was seeking direction in my life, I was longing for change…but most importantly I yearned to share with and give to others some of the abundance of blessings that I have received throughout my whole entire life. It was as if my friend was speaking the answer to a question that I had been asking God for a while, “Where do you want me?” And it was through my friend, Kiley, and a convergence of MANY events and inspirations that I finally heard God’s voice whisper softly, “My child, go where I am in need…go to the poor and suffering of your world…help your brothers and sisters whom you love so dearly…it is time to manifest the overflowing love of your heart into healing action…Go my child…go with Love…go with Me…”

This was the beginning of a new chapter in my life, and the start of a new and wonderful journey…