When I heard I was going to Namibia, I was actually substituting as a Special Education Para-Professional. I initially took on the five day assignment in hopes of experiencing the new “flavor” that special education had to offer. I had already had the joy and experience of teaching many classes through my job as a substitute teacher, and I wanted to see what it was like working with children with special needs. Let me tell you it was very TOUGH jumping in there without any Special Ed background, and on day one I felt like I was biting off more than I could chew. And while it was definitely a challenge, it was an AMAZING experience and I am so thankful for it. For it was through this “coincidental” experience and a little girl named Becky that I came to a magnificently beautiful realization.
My first encounter with Becky was harsh and cruel. I came into her classroom to help her with her schoolwork and to basically tame and keep the wild creature that is Becky under control. That first day was a complete mess. I have never in my life been so close to the thought “I can’t do this”, and I definitely entertained the idea of quitting. She would not talk to me or look at me at all, would not even acknowledge that I was standing there, that I was talking, or that I even existed for that matter. Except towards the end, she did feel the need to turn to me and make it clear that she “hated me”.
I was clueless as to what to do. “How can you reach someone like that?” I thought to myself. I questioned if it might be best to just quit and stop wasting my time since I obviously wasn’t getting through. The best I could come up with was that if I just gave up, then there was absolutely no hope in reaching through to her, and I would probably be doing the exact same thing that a lot of other people have done to her throughout her life… just writing her off. I would become one more person that didn’t believe in her, one more in the long list that told her through their actions, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’re not worth it.” If I just gave up, I would fail, but as long as I was trying, as long as I was persevering, I could never truly fail her, nor myself.
In the short period that I worked with this very special girl, our dynamic changed drastically. She eventually opened up herself and her heart to me, and we became friends. She would actually listen to me, or rather, listen as much as she would anyone else, she would get excited to see me, and she would share stories, pieces of her guarded life, with me. One day even, while I was in the cafeteria, she came up to me and whispered quietly to me, “I have a GREAT surprise for you...” I paused for a moment trying to understand what she had said, when out of nowhere she yelled “ME!!!” and jumped around my legs to hug me tightly. I smiled, and as I fought back tears I thought, “Yes… you truly are a great surprise indeed.”
It was through this experience that I came to realize that we all have preconceived ideas of what is “perfect.” We all want children that are intelligent, athletic, social, well-behaved, and are EASY to love. These children are like the tropical paradises of the world, they are rich and plentiful, stable and supportive, warm and inviting, and full of potential for life and its possibilities. Becky on the other hand is like the desert; she can be harsh and cruel, just like the brutal desert sun, she can appear void and destitute of the potential for growth, like the empty rolling sand dunes, she can tell you she hates you, just like the desert with its relentless conditions…BUT at the same time the desert is a place of awe-inspiring beauty… and that is exactly what Becky is. She is a unique and special child with a beauty all her own. She is perfect, she is precious, she is loving, and she is magnificent…like ALL of the children of the world.
It was through seeing the beauty in the desert that is Becky that I was able to drop my judgments and expectations for Namibia. I am so excited for this unique and wonderful experience in one of the many, many different, yet equally beautiful places in our wonderful world. And when I think about what’s to come…I close my eyes and my mind travels back to that day in the cafeteria…and if I listen closely enough, I can almost hear Namibia quietly calling…whispering secretly to me, “I have a GREAT surprise for you”…
My first encounter with Becky was harsh and cruel. I came into her classroom to help her with her schoolwork and to basically tame and keep the wild creature that is Becky under control. That first day was a complete mess. I have never in my life been so close to the thought “I can’t do this”, and I definitely entertained the idea of quitting. She would not talk to me or look at me at all, would not even acknowledge that I was standing there, that I was talking, or that I even existed for that matter. Except towards the end, she did feel the need to turn to me and make it clear that she “hated me”.
I was clueless as to what to do. “How can you reach someone like that?” I thought to myself. I questioned if it might be best to just quit and stop wasting my time since I obviously wasn’t getting through. The best I could come up with was that if I just gave up, then there was absolutely no hope in reaching through to her, and I would probably be doing the exact same thing that a lot of other people have done to her throughout her life… just writing her off. I would become one more person that didn’t believe in her, one more in the long list that told her through their actions, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’re not worth it.” If I just gave up, I would fail, but as long as I was trying, as long as I was persevering, I could never truly fail her, nor myself.
In the short period that I worked with this very special girl, our dynamic changed drastically. She eventually opened up herself and her heart to me, and we became friends. She would actually listen to me, or rather, listen as much as she would anyone else, she would get excited to see me, and she would share stories, pieces of her guarded life, with me. One day even, while I was in the cafeteria, she came up to me and whispered quietly to me, “I have a GREAT surprise for you...” I paused for a moment trying to understand what she had said, when out of nowhere she yelled “ME!!!” and jumped around my legs to hug me tightly. I smiled, and as I fought back tears I thought, “Yes… you truly are a great surprise indeed.”
It was through this experience that I came to realize that we all have preconceived ideas of what is “perfect.” We all want children that are intelligent, athletic, social, well-behaved, and are EASY to love. These children are like the tropical paradises of the world, they are rich and plentiful, stable and supportive, warm and inviting, and full of potential for life and its possibilities. Becky on the other hand is like the desert; she can be harsh and cruel, just like the brutal desert sun, she can appear void and destitute of the potential for growth, like the empty rolling sand dunes, she can tell you she hates you, just like the desert with its relentless conditions…BUT at the same time the desert is a place of awe-inspiring beauty… and that is exactly what Becky is. She is a unique and special child with a beauty all her own. She is perfect, she is precious, she is loving, and she is magnificent…like ALL of the children of the world.
It was through seeing the beauty in the desert that is Becky that I was able to drop my judgments and expectations for Namibia. I am so excited for this unique and wonderful experience in one of the many, many different, yet equally beautiful places in our wonderful world. And when I think about what’s to come…I close my eyes and my mind travels back to that day in the cafeteria…and if I listen closely enough, I can almost hear Namibia quietly calling…whispering secretly to me, “I have a GREAT surprise for you”…
You never cease to blow me away. I am so proud of you my sweet friend and so excited to see what adventures lie ahead in the near future! Love you, Kate
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