Currents of the Heart

On March 3rd, 2009 during the regular training day routine, as other people were falling asleep (Amelia) during the unmemorable session, I was staring around the room lost in random thought. At some point my gaze passed by the open window (AKA Amelia’s headrest) and I noticed that there were tons of white things floating in the air. I first thought it was something like the cottonwood tree (I think that’s the one?), and there were all sorts of light white fuzzy seeds floating across the street with the gentle breeze. But as I looked harder I noticed the “things” weren’t floating, they were flying. Then a few of the “things” flew by the window and I realized I was looking at the migration of hundreds of thousands, or maybe millions, of white butterflies.

I wanted to run outside and blow off the lame training class, but I knew Peace Corps wouldn’t approve me skipping training to go watch butterflies. The training, which I have already forgotten, was far too “important” to be missed; however, this migration which has no importance to any organization, including Peace Corps, is what has remained engrained in my memory.

It was a beautiful sight, even from the distant window view. And for the days following there were still tons of butterflies flying around the area, flying right in front of your face as you walk. Every day since then I swear that I have seen at the very least one butterfly each day, all sorts of different varieties and colors. It’s one of the many things I love about Namibia.

There was another migration of sorts on that day as well, Alison left to go back home to America. While she was waiting for over a year from the time she received an invitation from Peace Corps, to the time she departed to Namibia, she had met the man she felt was her soulmate. Initially, she thought her dream of doing Peace Corps was more important, but when she got over here, she realized how much she missed this man, Shane, and how much she wanted to share the volunteer experience with him.

Some people thought that she was making a poor decision, and giving up her dream for a guy she hadn’t known for that long. I didn’t see it that way at all. I believe she understood that sometimes things change, and the plans we make no longer serve to provide us our highest purpose in life. From what I know about Alison, I feel that she was following her heart, just as the butterfly flies with the wind. She had been planning for a long time to do Peace Corps, but the winds changed, a love entered her life, and instead of fighting against the wind, she surrendered to it. She opened her wings wide and allowed her heart to carry her off to a new and exciting land… the land of love.

If we allow ourselves to be lead by our hearts, the wind, it will carry us where we need to be. On the other hand, if we fight against it, we’ll struggle in life and then eventually come crashing down. That’s because we were never meant to go against our hearts. The decisions we make, our wings, were designed to catch the currents of the heart and effortlessly follow them to happiness. I truly believe that life is only difficult when we try to oppose the natural flow of these heart currents.

So spread your wings to their fullest, let go of the expectations of where you think you “should” go, let go of your attachments to commitments and plans and what is merely comfortable, let go of the fear of the unknown that holds you back from taking risks and leaves you only with regrets, and let the currents of the heart take you not to where you think you need to be, but rather where you were meant to be. Soar in the freedom of the heart, in the beauty of the wind, like the miraculous creation you are, like the butterflies on their liberated journey into the wonderful unknown.