A Desert of a Different Kind

When I entered the Kavango, I had entered a desert of a different kind. A desert where resources are scarce, not water, where the landscape of opportunities is barren just like empty dunes, where the lack of a good education system hinders people’s efforts for advancement just as the sand absorbs footsteps, making it difficult to walk, where the venomous creatures to be vigilant for aren’t snakes and scorpions, they are businessmen or corrupt individuals looking to take advantage of and prey on the people, where the apathy and lack of care from the country and the world community at large burn and blister the souls of the people, depleting them of the water of hope as their dry spirits cry out for thirst that could easily be quenched… and a desert where the mirage, the true illusion, is that people really do care and are doing everything they can to help.

It was in this desert that I first lost hope. Upon seeing the conditions of the people, what difficult lives they lead, how the need was so great, my heart just broke. I sat there in the car, looking out the window with tears in my eyes as we passed by countless villages of people living in poverty. It was overwhelming. So many emotions and thoughts raced through me, until I had nothing left. I felt numb, empty, hopeless. I couldn’t imagine that after all of our time on this planet, we humans still had so many problems, and they just seem to be compounding and growing with each passing year.

At one point, I even recall wanting to die. All I want to do in this life is help others. I want to leave the world knowing that it is better off for having me in it, and that it is in better condition than when I came into it. But that day, I felt completely helpless. The problem just seemed far too great, and I felt far too small. What could one person possibly do? And what was the point of things if I couldn’t truly help people? It was in that moment of despair that I had given up. I had given up on the world with all of its problems. I had wanted it all to end, to leave behind the misery, the pain, the suffering, all of it.

However, just as there was darkness, there was light. Other emotions, other thoughts, started to pervade me. Things started to come together. I started to realize that I was here for a reason. I could feel a sense of belonging, that this was where I was meant to be. I could see some of the events leading to me being here. I had talked to two individuals, one here in the country and one working for Peace Corps back in the States, and both times that I followed my instincts and talked to them, both times my placement was changed. These events, along with many others had been leading up to this, I could feel it. And it was this feeling of purpose that renewed my sense of hope and my resolve to do the best I could, whether that made any difference or none at all.

So I embrace this desert of a different kind, this desert where I lost hope, this desert where I found it again, and this desert where I have been brought for a reason. I accept that I am but one person and that I might accomplish little if anything. I understand that the need is great beyond measure and there will be many challenges to come. I am aware that I will see suffering, experience loss, and witness the cruelty of poverty. Yet regardless, I am thankful that I am able to be here, and that I have an opportunity to try to make a difference in the world. For that, for the mere possibility of a brighter future…I am eternally grateful.